Thirty and Up

I had this thought that my 30 day would be a real demarcation. I figured if nothing else, it would mark the end of the Holidays.  I had a therapist back in the day who also told me that it took between 30-45 days to break a habit.

Well, here we are! I am delighted and frankly relieved to be in the New Year and on this side of the Holiday season. I made it through several parties- two of them at my house- and a general festive season in which lots and lots of drinking occurred since I have been legal to drink. That likely makes this the first non-drinking Christmas I've had in 21 years.

I am feeling a thousand times better today. Yesterday my husband and son and I had a very quiet and relaxing day, just lounging around the house, watching TV, I did some knitting (have been knitting for many years).  It was lovely just relaxing. I was feeling a little better about me and my husband, too.  He had brought our son home on NYE/early NY morning after the ball dropped. Fireworks woke me up at midnight, so husband and I hung out a little, had a fabulous long hug and NYE kiss.

I remain ever-nervous that either my husband will become bored as hell with me, since  for 8 years we've been drinking buddies and he is a daily "get well-buzzed" drinker, or I will become bored and/or annoyed with him. There is also the fact that there is alcohol in the house and being drunk in front of me. For this reason, I try to keep a constant prayer of gratitude that I have no desire to drink, and I keep Allen Carr's book on my phone so I can get reminders that alcohol is a poison and certainly for me, should be labelled Devastation. Carr's logic works for me- alcohol really does nothing for you.  I look at my husband- currently asleep on the sofa- and I see truly that I am much happier and more comfortable drink-free. I know that he and I are on a holding pattern and that something will change, but I wanted to get at least 30 days in before trying to address it with him. And really I am going to shoot for 60, before starting up a conversation. He might start it first...but with 60 days, both of us will have some time experiencing this change, without the craziness of the holidays. Something might happen to start it earlier, but for now my plan is to tackle it in another 30 days.

Happy Jan 2, all!